Dying Without You [Sirius'; point of view]
[color=#483D8B]It’s amazing how you could be so alive, and then the next moment... so dead. I chuckle to myself with the irony of it all.
11 years in Azkaban only to escape and find your godson... only to be nearly captured again, and SAVED by your godson.
And then... I actually believed that some day, things would turn around. I would be set free... me and Harry would live together, as I promised him, and maybe, just maybe... I could finally be happy.
But after all the pain and torment I went through, I only find one truth: fate has no mercy. My life was taken away... just when hope was possible. And now...
There is no more hope for Sirius Black. He’s no longer a part of the world...
Not that he would be missed, he thought. Of course... Harry and Remus, Dumbledore and parts of the Order would grieve, but to everyone else in the world-I’m a murderer. The maniac who took the life of his best friend’s family.
As I look down to earth, I watch Harry... how he cries, how he’s grieving, how he’s fighting and fighting. I’m so proud of the boy, words can’t even tell.
Tears come to my own eyes, as I wipe them quickly with the back of my hand.
I loved him like my own son... I wonder if he knew. I never could tell him and time didn’t give me that chance. If only I could go back... if only for a minute. I never got to say goodbye...
I shake my head. “What if’s” never got people anywhere. It was a weakness. What’s done is done... I can’t change that now.
Oh, Harry. Even though it is me who is dead, I can’t keep thinking that it was the other way around: that it I was the one who lost you...
I escaped Azkaban because of you, you know. Of course, it had to deal with getting revenge on Pettigrew, and it was also for James and Lily... but you were the one that got me off that island, Harry. You were my push. I knew that if I couldn’t get to you... if I couldn’t protect you... I would never be able to forgive myself. I blamed myself for James’ and Lily’s death my whole life, and still it haunts me, even in death. But you? No... it wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t let it.
I wondered how big you have gotten as I was in my cell, what you were like, what you looked like.... Even without seeing you for a decade, I loved you still. It was as if it were only yesterday when I was holding you in my arms, making jokes with James and Lily on how I was plotting to steal you. I smile again as I remember the night I babysat you, and how you gave me a bald spot on the top of my head by ripping out my hair. James laughed about THAT until the day of his death.
I laugh some more. I have forgotten about those precious memories... so many events have overlapped them in my days. It’s so hard for me to find happy ones in the life I lived.
But when I look back to Hogwarts, I find them. Oh, yes... the days where I was truly happy.
When first coming to Hogwarts, I was a lot like you, Harry. Though my family were wizards, they were the worst of their kind. Dark wizards, followers of Voldemort.... I think, perhaps, the happiest day of my life was when I went to Hogwarts at age 10, the day the Sorting Hat was placed on my head.
I was in Gryffindor... I wasn’t in Slytherin! Oh, how happy I was. And when I met your father, I thought all my luck ran out. We became instant friends, the two of us. It was like we were brothers separated at birth. I loved him, Harry. I would’ve died for him in a snap. It was a bond unbreakable.
And then we met Remus. We got to love him so much, we broke every school rule at Hogwarts to ease his pain, and even more laws from the Ministry of Magic. A serious crime committed, but the moment we found out Remus was a werewolf, we worked together and surpassed all the impossible. Rules didn’t apply to friendship.
Of course, there was Wormtail... but I can’t talk about him. I won’t. After what we did for him... after how we embraced him, how we would have died for him... after all he did to us...
Oh, Remus. Even in death, our friendship can never truly die. I thank you for holding back Harry for me that day... it was what I wanted, and you knew that, even without the words being said from my lips. That’s just how close we were.
After all the pain and torment you went through, and after losing James, Lily, me and Peter in the same night, you lived on, Remus... and I’m proud of you for it. I know that you were happy to have me back and to learn the truth, and believe me-I could never have been happier.
And as I watch you from above, I see your strength fading, and I know you want to let go. I know you want to rest... but hang on, Remus. Live. Please. I want you to live on, Remus, and I KNOW you know how I would KILL you if you ever died. You’d surely go to Hell, because Heaven would be much worse with me here if you would ever do anything drastic.
Oh Remus...
Watch over Harry for me... please. Be the father James and I failed to be. James couldn’t be there for him, as I had my chance, and failed. You’re the last of the marauders left, my friend. Peter died the day he crossed over to the dark side...
I watch as Harry looks out upon the lake at Hogwarts. He’s been sitting there for hours, and I can see him growing cold. Tears leak down from his eyes. Seeing the expression on his face, I can tell how hurt he is.
Oh, Harry. Don’t cry for me... stay strong, and keep that head high. More tears trickle down my cheeks, and I don’t even bother stopping them this time. Prophecy or none, Harry... you were born to be a hero. You’re going to face Voldemort, and you’re going to win. It’s your destiny to be great. You’re going to save the world...
I feel a hand on my shoulder. “Are you ready to go now?”
I look back at the person’s concerned face. I nod to him, looking down to Harry one last time as he gets up from his spot and wipes his tears, heading back towards the castle.
And as he leaves, I know it is my turn to do so, too.
I’m so, so sorry it had to be this way, Harry. Your father and I love you... please, forgive us.
“Let’s go, Sirius,” he says. “It’s time...”
I turn around and embrace him, the pain immense. “Oh, James...”
James lets go of me and looks down at his son, smiling. The son he never knew. The son he’ll love forever.
And without another look back, my best friend leads me towards a light passage way, my eyes being blinded by it’s shine. And only one thought passes through my brain as I see Lily in the distance, her green eyes dancing in happiness as she runs over to me.
I’ll never leave your side, Harry. Not ever.
I’m with you.
